yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
