He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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