i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
