Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
