nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We left the knife in your bed.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
