Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
