My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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