everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize