Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
