A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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