She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
