I want to stick my p in your. b.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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