SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
