I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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