he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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