if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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