I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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