Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
