Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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