Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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