It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
