I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
