I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
