it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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