I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We're too hungover to prance.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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