help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
