you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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