Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
