Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
