tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
