so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
vagina is talking i cant
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
