Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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