we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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