Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
