i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
