I hate your face
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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