none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
