seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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