Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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