i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
