I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
