I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
