it was like eating out sand paper
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
