so that wasnt chicken after all
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
