What did we do last night that was yellow?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
