I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dignity is for republicans.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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