peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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