she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
