escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
