dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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