nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
