We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i came on her dog
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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