I didn't shave. On purpose
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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