i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
