I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
