So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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