so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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