I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
