Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We need to get me chipped asap
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
