If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
