I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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