I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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