She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
