I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
