I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
