Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
